Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Reasons Why I'm So Totally The Best Pregnant Lady Over 30 In History

Reasons why having a baby after 30 is so dramatically different than it was when I was a young pup:

  • With my other babies, I sat around and ate all day long because I hated my husband who called me Jaba The Hut because he was such a precious prince of a man
  • With this baby, I'm the breadwinner and I like it. I have a fab job and my own office that's on the 3rd floor of a huge office building and I take the stairs and then I get so busy during the day that I only eat fruit that does not require me to leave my computer screen/desk/office so that I may love every second as a workaholic...which I do. weird.
  • I lost 20 lbs before the baby and now thanks to stairs, morning sickness, busy schedules and flying around the west coast for business, I've lost another 13 lbs. Life is good.
  • While being so darn cute as said pregnant lady, I've retained my Swedish round face and big fat blue eyes and my hair is crazily blonde again (naturally! how the hell did that happen? Hormones?) This all adds up to the supposed "glow" my friends think they need to squeal in my face about when they see me.
  • This baby gets to be spoiled. My ex husband was insistant that we conceive and give birth to all of my other children very quickly so that all of my older kids are 2 years apart. 4 of them. Nobody got spoiled...I was totally broke...diapers cost a fortune every month for 2+ kids at a time.
  • This baby has already had her picture taken 6 times. I'm 14 weeks. I've had 6 ultrasounds. I'm just psychotic like that...I like to see her! So sue me!
  • Brad Pitt and Angelina are having babies at the same time as me. Mine will be so much cuter. Uhhh hello, I am a short little swedish girl, he's a big ol' Blasian (black and korean/japanese) so ok um... think about it. Nature's got a new canvas and every kind of material one could ever need to make the most gorgeous baby ever. I'm not selling her, so don't ask anymore....KRISTEN!

Ok, I'll think of more. Oh and later, when I'm moody because I'm tired, I'll probably make an entry similar to this only pointing out the horrible parts of pregnancy because thats what freakin pregnant women get to do. We get to be moody, so bite me. Thats right.

Love you!


Queenie said...

I hate you. But then, you've had more kids.
My fetus is KILLING me. :P
Oh, and :) too.

Maybe So said...

my baby is doing the mambo. or maybe practising karate. or kung fu. or ballet. i'm not sure. but he's been at it for a good hour and i'm sure my insides are bruised.

indygirl said...

Is everybody pregnant around here? I am getting the hell away pronto.