Tuesday, November 21, 2006
You heard me correctly, kids,
they make 'em. Its a little small version of the Tickle-Me-Elmo, but he has not only a diaper, but a goddamn TOILET!!! I was sauntering down Wal-Mart aisle 35252 and spotted this little red demon sitting on a tiny potty, grinning at me with his little diaper down round about his ankles. I knew as soon as I approached him that I'd need to touch the bowl that his furry little bum was perched on, it was just that tempting people. I'm no perv when it comes to kids on potties, but you tell me you wouldn't wanna see if that toilet was real porcelain!!! DON'T LIE TO ME FOLKS! Alas, to my dismay, it was not porcelain but a cheap plastic. I was thinking that if they'd combined the Tickle-Me variety with the Potty-Training variety, we'd have had a helluva combination with drunken-giggling-pissin Elmo falling all over the place, but the kids might not be learning a good habit, and its all about the kids right?
One thing more, if I were to suggest this toy to anyone, I'd suggest it to men in a last ditch effort in convincing them to just sit. C'mon guys, just sit for heavens sake. Lid stays down, pee stays in the toilet, and you can read everytime you go in the bathroom! Imagine that!
Ok so anyway, one last message since I know my husband doesn't read my blog. Just as I was leaving the toy aisles of Wal-Mart, I noticed a little something I KNOW I've seen before but the glory to behold has been so great that I'm sure I blocked out the knowledge of their existence until this moment. Are you ready for what I got him?
HUGE HULK HANDS
Folks, these things are huge, green and dear lord thou hast blessed us today for making them FOAM!!!!!! You slip them on your hands and punch shit. Did you hear me? YOU CAN TOO BECOME AS THE GREAT HULK! I know its against the rules typically to play with gifts before you give them, but I must tell you...closing the fridge has never been more fun before I learned to punch the door shut. I also enjoyed punching the dryer door shut very much but the most fun I've ever had in my 31 years had to have been when I chased my cats with the huge hulk hands a flailing.
In conclusion, Tickle-Me-Elmo-Potty-Shitty-Pants is weird, but the Huge Hulk Hands stole my heart, and had they been around in 1988, they would have stolen my virginity too...they're just that damn good...
Posted by Number Mouth at 9:58 PM