Shakin' Me Big Bum To...

this (real media file) today. The Wolfpack - Vans or the "Got My Vans On But They Look Like Sneakers" song

I lurves this song. Yeah, yeah, I know, I listen to everything so sue me. Ok, don't sue me, you won't get jack crap, I'm poe! (see post below)

Life, As It Were

Ok, hello! Welcome back to Whine and Cry, Int. where whining, and crying are ALWAYS welcome.

K, update on things that are making me want to KILL myself and when I say "kill" I mean "put an end to rhythmic breathing that so naturally comes to healthy human people". In a moment of hilarious and dark humor (perhaps only to myself) we'll be using bullets to list these things since its most appropriate that I use said "bullets" to do so. Let us proceed:

• I am out of $$ and its the beginning of school for my children tomorrow. The ex husband has fallen about 4.5 months behind in the 12 months that we've been divorced. He pays nearly nothing towards the children's upbringing forcing me to look for ways to literally slaughter him in the most painful of manners.
  
• I just looked up info on getting a loan from the company so lovingly advertized on television by everyone's favorite african american thyroidally challenged ex child star, Gary Coleman. Cash is so easily come by when one Googles "cash money in my bank right now"
• My boobs hurt. New baby, jaws of a tiger shark. Nuff said?
• My landlord is coming to inspect the house Thursday morning. First off, my house is a mess. I have f'ing post partum depression like none ever experienced before, 5463 children and not a whole lotta help in any aspect from anyone at this point. I'm also out of any kind of controlled substances that are legal from a religious standpoint so I'm out of luck. I want to FREAKING KILL PEOPLE!
• I wish I had the balls of Marie Osmond when she did what I am dreaming every second of the day of doing. I want to get in my damn car and drive up the coast of California. First though, I need that damn loan from Cashcall.com so I can afford the gas, you know. Mama can't just up and have a nervous breakdown anymore without first making sure her finances are in order.

Anyone know of a samurai sword shop in Las Vegas? One that has swords sharp enough to pierce a breastplate when someone falls "accidentally" on it? I kinda want to go out like O Ren.

Further Proof That I'm Certifiable, Yo

Um, I posted earlier about Post Partum or something? Yep, I'm totally batshiz crazy, ya'll. I have figured out that depending on the music I'm listening to, my moods swing around like Britney Spears swings around that cute lil fatboy SPF, except I don't drop my moods on the street in NYC, cuz I'm not that cold hearted of a bitch, you know.

Anywhoo, yep, listening to Sufjan and decided that I'm coo... no worries, but yeah, um. K, I'm nuts. I also have to tell you that Caramel Apple Empanadas from the Tahtow Bewl (taco bell, for those of you who do NOT currently reside in my psyche.) Oh and one more thing. The show Psyche...rox me sox.

The end.

K, make sure I don't listen to Old Old Pink Floyd eva. Also, go here to see Mr. Scotty Gee (so nummy) sing some sweetness. He's oh so hott, don't drool on yer keyboards, ladies. That is all.

Thinking...Post Partum Depression Maybe?

the only words I can utter right now are lyrics:

Its awfully considerate of you to think of me here
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear that I'm not here.
And I never knew we could be so thick
And I never knew we could be so blue
And I'm grateful that you threw away my old shoes
And brought me here instead, dressed in red
And I'm wondering who could be writing this song.
I don't care if the sun don't shine
And I don't care if nothing is mine
And I don't care if I'm nervous with you
I'll do my loving in the winter.
And the sea isn't green
And I love the Queen
And what exactly is a dream
And what exactly is a joke?

_____________________

RIP Syd Barrett, January 6, 1946 - July 7, 2006

To Shin

Hey Shin,

Remember when I was driving in the desert a couple of years ago in the middle of the night and you and I were on the phone and I freakin got hit by a semi who totally just drove off and didn't kill me but didn't stop? Yeah, that was weird.

Love~

Alli

The Little Girl Giant

I've seen this before but...wow.



The Sultan's Elephant is amazing

Totally Addicted

You all know I'm a reality tv WHORE, and how I loves me some Project Runway, Big Brother All Stars, Laguna Beach, The Hills (soooooooooooooooooooo good, omg!) etc....

now, I present to you my absolute favorite:

Work Out

Trés sigh... I thought I'd hate it, nay, DESPISE IT! Mais non. I love. Love so much...


Hot lesbian lady opens Beverly Hills sports club, has hot Brazilian girlfriend who is muy jealouso, tons of gay men who look oh so fabulous all the time, drama, baby mama's, Beverly Hills mom's who are hot and obviously bi-curious, cute laptop dogs. My oh my, tis so good.

Tune in, report back.

Snakes On A Harper

Harper Elias Michael Maddox Jolie-Pitt-Easley???

I cut the baby's hair, on the sides and above his ears. Now he looks hot.

His dad wants to do the "Maddox Jolie-Pitt" mohawk.



Yay? Nay?

This Is Love

2:00 am, little noises that sound like sniffling but its only been 3 hours since the last feeding. Frustrated a bit but not enough to erase the smile from my face as I sit up slowly. By the time I'm fully upright, the sniffling is a cry.

"Don't get up, I got him," from my husband, across the room, "he just needs his binkie."

I melt all over our bed immediately.

"Bring him over here with us" I whisper.

Back to sleep for the next few hours, but not before I catch my sweet boys, laying next to me, Daddy's finger wrapped in a tiny hand in the dark.

This hurts my heart, makes that lump in my throat throb. This is love.

I might have tourettes

This is my 3rd post today.

Dude.


Anyway, I was just thinking. Since I've moved back from Seattle, I've all but abandoned my "faux hippy" speak. I don't even say "far out, Man" or anything like that anymore. It feels good, and that's what leads me to my next issue. Will I have to re-adopt the speak again when I move back? What if I keep my new speak, "faux gangsta"? Will they love and accept me even still?

I'mma hafta try it out, bitches.

Flikr

Finally gave into the Flikr.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/castaspella/


dat is all.

Oh Dear

So...I hope my husband likes the rain (he does) because I just got a promotion that will move us all up to Bellevue/Seattle Washington. Dear me, didn't I just move BACK here from there 4 years ago? Seems so, although back then, I was trying to get away from my now ex-husband and his family who are akin to the Manson family.

Yep, come January, we'll be living in the beautiful northwest again.

Crayayayayayayayzee!

Also, I ate my baby last night, now he's in my belly.

Jonah can't stop kissing this baby...

I can't stop snapping pictures of this tiny boy

The baby's laying in bed with his daddy right now. He likes to get in bed with us every morning and snuggle and I must admit, its my favorite time of the day. Who'da thunk a night owl like me would turn into such a morning person. I had completely forgotten what having a newborn was like. Its heaven and I am soaked in it. I'm so in love, forgive me for gushing. Oh and daddy? He thinks I'm the best goddess princess around for giving birth to his baby...one more benefit. He worships us. I could not be happier...knock on wood.

Brothers

Aw. Jonah is my oldest son, he's 9, and obviously...Harper is the baby incase you didn't know!

Welcome, Baby Boy

Just so you know, your brothers and sisters are obsessed with you. Your dad and I...we're so in love...with you! Words cannot express...

Harper Elias Michael Easley
6 lbs. 12 oz.
18 inches long
Born July 17th, 4:00 AM

Why Does My BROTHER Get A BABY TODAY?!?!?!

K, I wake up this morning after sleeping, oh...none. Phone is ringing, I dash (so totally not a dash, more like a slow roll/waddle/whimperwalk) to the phone that is 5 feet from my bed. I don't make it before the answering machine gets it. Got that? I didn't even get 5 feet in 6 rings. Sad. So anyway, its my brother, Taylor age 27, who is calling from his cellphone to tell me that his wife who is due AFTER ME (by one day) is in labor. I told him I was so excited for him and to call when the baby is here. No news yet, she's still in labor. It's their second baby/boy in 13 months. Yep, their first born is Derek and he's only 13 months and 6 days old. Mmmhmm, and he's starting law school in San Diego in a month. Crazy mofo.

So we get off the phone and I lay down while simultaneously being kicked on the internal organs. *commence crying and weeping on my part*

No baby yet for me. We've scheduled induction for Sunday night @8pm.

Any advice? I need a baby TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No Baby Yet....

Here's what's going on in my house:

• My 7 year old wrote all over a white turtle neck with big green and purple letters that say "FLASH" and "i'll be back" and "run, sucka". He also wears it with jeans and a pair of tighty whitey undapants over the top. Oh yeah, and he made a bandito style eye covering with eyeholes cut out. I need to take a picture for you.
• my husband is totally unconscious next to me, I think he took like 3 ambien last night and now he sleeps the slumber of the dead. Not so much fun.
• I am on complete bedrest. Complete. Lay down all the time. I totally cheat and go downstairs and shopping for groceries sometimes, then I pay with pain in the baby region.
  
• This baby is still breech.
• This means he's stubborn.
• He tries to kick his feet out of my bagina.
• I don't particularly like the feeling of feet tearing through my bagina from the inside, let alone the outside.
• We decided on a middle name...well...on another part of this name we're giving this child. I think he may have 2 or 3 middle names, but so does my dad.
• Harper Elias Michael Easley is what we have on the bill now. Maybe Elias Harper Michael Easley. I'd call him Eli, everyone else will call him Harper or something. I like Eli best.
• I'm the mom.
• That means I matter most.
• Its the 4th of July, hurrah! We're going swimming out back and bbq-ing and probably to some firework show at one of the 2352365224623 shows going on around Vegas.

On a lighter note, I watched A&E's "Intervention" the other night, there was a 19 year old moon faced girl, looked like she could be my sister...she was on drugs really hard and I was suddenly taken back to my 19th year and had a little mental breakdown in silence at Walgreens at midnight. My husband just stayed quiet, which was perfect, held my hand and reassured me that I am good enough now that I'm 32 and so far from that time to be the mother of these children in my house. I realized that moment...I'm so dang far from healed. What the heck do I need next? Seriously. Seasons change, this one's not so pretty.

Hopefully this baby coming within the next 2 weeks will make me remember why I love everything...right now I just see gray film on everything...tarnish...smoky windows instead of clear ones.

...catch me later, I'll be on an upswing and I'll be much lighter. Thanks for listening, and goodnight.

Coolest Thing I've Heard All Day

So my 9 year old comes up to the office in my house where I'm working today and starts to ask the basic daily summer questions:

• can I go to [insert friend's name]'s house?
  
• can [insert friend's name] come over to OUR house?
• can I have a popcicle for breakfast?
• do I HAVE to do my chores today?
• can I watch Star Wars again?
• are you ever going to stop working today?
• can we go swimming right now?

you know...kid talk.

I say "no, no, no, yes, later, sure, at some point and not right now" and ask what everybody else is doing. This is where it gets good. Pay attention to the end, its a grand slam, in my book.

"Tiffany is watching Maury, Casey is making toast, Mackenzie is sleeping on the couch and Mike just put a corn dog on her face."

Non chalant...calmly. Damn, I love motherhood.

Sinking Even Lower Into Domestication

Hey. I have some news, if ya cares one bit.

1. I was in the hospital for ever because my right kidney, it done took a nap. Painfully. Let me tell you one thing that saved me: IV injections every 2 hours for more than a week of...yes folks...straight up Morphine. Thank you Jesus.
2. When I got out of the hospital, I realized for the first time that we're a one car family because of the turd ex husband who decided he wanted me to give my brand new Altima back. No worries. I just spent $26,955 yesterday for funsies on a new Honda Odyssey. Leather seats, A/C to all 7 seats individually, DVD player, 12 disk changer on the CD player, magic doors (!) etc. etc. etc. Feels good to be so family like. Oh damn! I'm almost as good as Britney, ya'll!
3. My hair is curly curly today, and very blonde, and when I'm looking at myself in the window in my office that shows me from my waist up, I look totally hot with my pregnant cleavage and big ass blonde hair. Man, I'm hot today...til I stand up to reveal the basketball under my shirt. Unless you're one of those people who think pregnant women are sexy. In that case...heeeeeeeeeyyyy...

K, what else? Hmm, I guess that's all. I'm tired and I need a coke, but thats about it for now.

Over and out.